The right decision
by mokakenobi
Summary: After the ending of the Clone Wars Padme Amidala has to make a fateful decision. First place in the Author challenge of the Obidala Fan Forum.


**Title: The right decision**

_This story is set four years after the end of the Clone Wars_

"They're sleeping now." Obi Wan entered the living-room, grinning broadly. "You know, Padme, they really seem to appreciate my stories. I told them the one of the young Queen who fell in love with a Jedi Padawan and how they defied all the rules to live happily after!" he laughed at his own humor, telling the twins a fairytale about their parents and how they got together.

Looking over at Padme, he saw that her eyes had filled with tears and he suddenly became serious. Bewildered, he asked with his voice full of concern, "What's wrong, Padme?" In a gesture of friendly comfort, he put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

He wasn't prepared for her reaction. Padme threw herself in his arms, hugging him fiercely and crying. Trying to soothe her, he held her and caressed her back while she was trying to gain her composure. After she had calmed down, he took her hand and led her to the couch.

He took her in a companionable embrace and asked once more "Padme, please tell me, what is it?" She sobbed again "Oh, Obi Wan, it's not right. We don't live happily after. My marriage is a disaster. What am I going to do?" her desperation was obvious in her voice.

Obi Wan frowned at her words. It couldn't be. They had defied the council, they had at least got permission to live together after the war was over, and they had been blessed with the twins four years ago in the last days of the war. Anakin had killed Palpatine after it was revealed that he was the Sith Lord they had been looking for. He was the hero of the New Republic and the council had finally reconsidered the rule of non-attachment. There was no reason for Padme to be sad and desperate. Everything should be alright.

"Padme, what are you saying? Anakin loves you more than his life. He adores you. You are his life! He always speaks about you with so much love. How can your marriage be a disaster? You have two beautiful children….everything should be wonderful for you both!"

Padme nodded at this. "Yes, Obi Wan you are right. Everything should be wonderful, but in truth it isn't. He adores me, yes, but..." she seemed to gather her thoughts, swallowing deeply and apparently deciding to share her problems with him, she continued. "But I need more. I need a partner Not someone who puts me on a pedestal, adoring me from distance. I am sure he loves me, but after four years together I begin to wonder if I had made the right decision after Geonosis. You know, Obi Wan, I think everything that had been happening during that time, the war and the feeling that he could be killed every moment, brought me into this marriage in a rush. And now, when I am faced with the problems of daily life, I am no longer sure that he is the partner I want to share my life with."

She looked down, apparently ashamed to say aloud what she had been thinking for the last few years. Obi Wan decided to stay silent and waited for her to continue. She couldn't know how her words tormented him. He never had shared his own feelings towards her, first because he had been bounded to the Jedi code and then because she was married to his best friend, his brother.

He squeezed his eyes shut at the memories flooding his mind. Padme as Queen of Naboo, young and innocent but strong-willed and courageous. Ten years later, Padme as a young Senator, determined to fight for peace in the Republic and above all the most beautiful woman he ever had met. And then after the war, as he had realized that this woman had sworn her life to Anakin, his heartbroken pain as Anakin had revealed the truth to him, and his determination to help to find a way to save her from death. Anakin and himself pulling her back with the Force as she had seemed to die on them during the birth of the twins, both of them driven by their love for this adorable woman. And after the twins had been born he had stepped aside, taking on the responsibility as a loving uncle, giving the pair the privacy to live out their marriage. He had forced himself only to step in when Anakin had been sent on missions, when Padme had been alone and needed his help like now. He had never had the suspicion something could be amiss between the two of them.

"He is too young. He loves being a Jedi and living a life of adventures. He isn't able to play the role of a responsible father. And Obi Wan, I don't feel what I felt before. It almost seems as though, with the secrecy gone, our love has faded. Perhaps it was a mere infatuation that drove me to him. I am so sorry, Obi Wan, but I don't love him anymore. And honestly, I am glad when he leaves and when you come and help me. With you, I feel like I am not alone. You share the responsibility with me. The twins love you, while they hardly know their own father, because he comes from a mission and after two days becomes restless and leaves again. Oh, Obi Wan, I shouldn't share this with you, I know!" She rose from the couch and paced to the window, looking at the traffic of Coruscant.

He hid his head in his hands, sighing deeply. No, this couldn't be. Her words were tearing at his heart. He never had thought she could reciprocate his feelings, but, involuntarily, she had opened herself completely towards him through the Force and he could sense that she loved him. And he also sensed her confusion and her desperation. She wasn't able to go on with this lie and it was evident that she had been having these feelings for a long time.

She turned around and looked at him, as he locked eyes with her he could tell she had made up her mind about something "Obi Wan, I need to tell you something..."

Realizing what she was about to say he rushed at her side taking her hands and squeezing them "Padme, please. Anakin is young. He will grow into his role. I am going to speak with him when he comes back. He will not take mission after mission anymore and he will learn to take responsibility for you and the twins. I promise you that!"

She smiled indulgently at him. "Obi Wan, that won't be a solution. I am not able to play this game any longer, I can't continue living with him when I know I don't love him like he loves me. And excuse me for being selfish, because I shouldn't put this burden on you, but I can't live a lie anymore. I have been trying for years now. Obi Wan, I know you love him like your brother and you would never do anything to hurt him, but you need to know……that it was you I loved from the beginning. I need to tell you the truth," she stepped closer to him, looking into his eyes. "Obi Wan Kenobi, I love you. And it should be you with whom I share my life."

Obi Wan was stunned. Here was this beautiful woman, looking at him with deep love shining from her expressive brown eyes. He knew he shouldn't give into this, but for a brief moment he wasn't able to resist. Finally, she was offering him all he had been dreaming of. How could he refuse her now? He took her face in his hands and carefully touched her lips with his own, instantly feeling her response, and without thinking the two of them shared a loving embrace. He kissed her with growing passion and he could feel her yearning for him.

Suddenly, he broke the kiss, stepping away from her and turning around. Swallowing deeply, he said in a strained voice, "We can't do this."

She nodded to herself. "You are right, it's just not possible," she responded with regret in her voice "We can't hurt him like this. But Obi Wan, please tell me. Do you love me? Please, I need to know this."

He heard the urgency in her words. Slowly, he turned around and looked in her eyes, "Padme, even if I did, it wouldn't change anything. I love Anakin like my brother and I never would be able to take his wife and his children from him." He saw acceptance shining in her eyes. Merely nodding, she turned once more around to look out of the window.

Both stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, acknowledging the situation and the desperation in it. Then Padme moved to him, caressing his cheeks with one finger. "Obi Wan, you don't know how long I wanted to tell you. You can't imagine how the situation has haunted me during these last few months. I accept what you say, because it is so typically Obi Wan. You have been sacrificing your own needs for others since I have met you and this is why I love you. But I can't live with Anakin any longer. Even if you refuse me, I will leave him. I am not able to live a lie anymore. I am sorry."

And with that she placed a tender kiss on his cheek and left the room. It was obvious that she wouldn't come back. With sorrow in his eyes, Obi Wan left the apartment, knowing that a long meditation was in order for him.

* * *

One week later, after Padme had put the twins to bed, once more deeply missing Obi Wans help and regretting that he had decided to keep his distance, she found a datapad on the table in her kitchen. Questioningly she turned to her handmaiden "Rabé, what is this?"

"Master Kenobi came by while you were in the children's room and brought it, he said I shouldn't bother you and you could read it after you were finished with the fairytale for the twins."

Padme smiled. So he hadn't broken off completely with her. She had feared she wouldn't hear from him anymore. Eagerly, she took the datapad in her hands and left immediately for her sleeping room. There she sat down on her bed and opened the letter.

_My dear Padme,_

_I must apologize for my behavior during our last meeting. I meditated a lot about my feelings towards you and I came to a conclusion concerning you and me and the future of your family._

_Padme, you must know that I loved you from the first moment I met you. I was a fool that I didn't admit it when you asked me to. I was surprised that a woman like you could possibly have feelings for me, and I didn't want to hurt my best friend by taking his wife from him. But I don't want you to face life alone. You are a passionate woman and I am sure you are more than capable to raise your children on your own, but I couldn't imagine seeing you without the support of a loving husband at your side. _

_What I want to say is that I am ready to offer you anything you need. If you decide to leave Anakin, I will be at your side. I would be honored if you chose to share your life with me. And Padme, I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I should have been honest. I love you and you have a right to know that. I love Anakin like a brother and I fear we will destroy him with this decision, but I will not be able to hide my feelings towards you if you decide to leave him._

_So please take your time with your decision. I promise you, you will never lose me. I'll be at your side even if you choose to stay with him. I am sure that, in time, he would be able to grow into the role of a family father, but if you decide you can't live with him anymore, I will be yours forever._

_With deep love,_

_Obi Wan_

Beaming with joy about these lines, Padme nearly danced through the room. He loved her. He hadn't the courage to say it face to face, but now she knew. And he offered her a life at his side. She couldn't believe it. He had loved her all the time, like she had loved him. Now they would stay together forever and the fairytale he had told the twins would finally come true. They would be living happily as a family. Her decision was made. She would seek him out tomorrow and tell him that he was the man she loved and she wanted him to be her husband. The only thing left would be to tell Anakin.

Anakin! Horrified, Padme looked once more at the datapad. '_I love Anakin like a brother and I fear we will destroy him with this decision' _Anakin would be capable of coping with this, wouldn't he? What would happen to him and Obi Wan? And suddenly the truth dawned on her. She had forced the man she loved to choose between her and his brother, and he had sacrificed his friendship with his former Padawan for her.

She had put two paths before him and he had chosen the one he thought would be best for those in need, her and her children. She didn't doubt that he loved her with all his heart, but she now realized that it would break his heart to hurt Anakin like this. If she hadn't decided to leave Anakin anyway, he never would have offered himself to her. 'Oh, what a fool have you been, Padme!' She scolded herself and made a decision.

* * *

Obi Wan, deep in his meditation, nearly hadn't heard the door chime. Surprised, he opened the door asking himself who would come to see him at this hour. Normally, the whole temple should be asleep by now. Stunned, he looked into the brown eyes he had come to love so deeply.

"May I come in, Obi Wan, or do you want to talk to me in the hallway?" she asked.

"Um, of course. Come in, Padme," he stuttered and led her into his quarters.

She looked into his eyes and he had the urge to lose himself in hers. How could he have refused her? Even if he knew he was going to lose his friend and brother, she would be worth any sacrifice. He would be a fool letting her face life alone.

"Obi Wan, I received your letter and I thank you for it. I really thought I had overstepped my boundaries with my behavior. You don't know what it means to me, to know that you love me like I love you. And you have to know I don't desire anything more than to share my life with you."

He could tell she hadn't finished and he sought for the right words. He swallowed and decided to interrupt her. "Padme, you have to know that there is nothing I wish more than to be your husband and a father to your children, but it isn't a decision to be taken lightly. There is too much at stake, and I don't want you to regret anything."

She looked gratefully at him, and in that instant he couldn't resist taking her in his arms. She leaned on his chest, savoring the moment. Then, reluctantly, she stepped away from him. "You are right. We have to think about more than ourselves. I have made a decision. I don't want you to lose your brother and I don't want my children to grow up without their father." She sighed regretfully. "Obi Wan, I love you……but it would be selfish to give into these feelings. You were right. We can't do this and I will not leave him. I vowed to share my life with him, and I will not break these vows."

He saw tears glistening in her eyes when she continued. "Just one thing. I beg you, Obi Wan, please don't hate me for all I have done to you during the last week."

Once more he took her in her arms, caressing her back. "Padme, believe me. I could never hate you. I love you, I always have and I always will. I promise you that whatever life brings to you, I will be here for you and your children. I honor your decision and I accept it."

Placing a kiss on her forehead, he decided to let her go for her family's sake and for the sake of his beloved friend, who was supposed to be the husband and partner of this stunning and beautiful woman.

With a last smile, they separated from each other and both of them knew that any other decision would have been a mistake. They felt at peace because they had avoided hurting someone they both loved and they hadn't divided a family. Anakin would be able to see his children growing up and Padme and Obi Wan wouldn't be forced to live with the feeling of betrayal.

A little sting remained. The sting of a love that was never meant to be, of a life that could not be lived. Both of them knew that life had changed and they couldn't deny their feelings anymore, but they had to live with it. After all, they had made the right decision. Hadn't they?

The end (?)


End file.
